Luke 22:31-32; "31 And the Lord said, “Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat. 32 But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren.”
I was talking with my good friend, Stephen, today.
We talked about how beat up we were.
It feels like our hearts were trampled on by "one too many buffalo" as he put it.
I remembered this verse from Luke, chapter 22.
Satan demanded to sift Peter like wheat.
The process for sifting wheat was this: throw the wheat against the cement and beat the hell out of it with a flail.
During times, it feels like my heart is being sifted- like wheat.
Its hurt by myself: my failures.
Its hurt by others: their actions and words.
Its hurt because of what I've done: breaking other peoples hearts- breaking my Gods heart.
Every failure I've made.
Every rude comment given to me.
Every despicable act of aggression against me.
Every time I've hurt someone else has been a blow to my heart from the flail.
Often times this heart begins to be too much.
It hurts too often.
I've cried more times than I care to remember.
I've felt the burning fire of anger towards situations that I would normally find acceptable or tolerable.
I've felt the anguish of a loss of a friends fire for God because of lukewarmness.
I've been kicked in the stomach emotionally and balled my eyes out for the body of Christ.
I've never felt the depths of emotion as much as I have while being in this relationship with God.
I've asked prayed Jesus' prayer from the garden on more than one occasion.
Its so hard to deal with this kind of heart: the kind of heart that's made of paper and bleeds like a anemic.
“Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done.”
Through it all, however, I have always prayed to have Gods heart. I realize, now, that He's taken me very literally. My heart is so softened by this process of threshing. I'm beginning to feel what God feels.
I am beginning to love what He loves. I'm beginning to understand.
I understand that by this softening, my heart is growing stronger.
I'm being refined.
Refinement is never comfortable.
Never.
After Jesus finished that prayer to his Father, it says: "an angel appeared to Him from heaven, strengthening Him. 44 And being in agony, He prayed more earnestly. Then His sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground".
He strengthens us when we ask Him.
But why does He strengthen us?
To help us pray more fervently.
I love Batman.
In the movie, Bruce Wayne's father asks Bruce a question: why do we fall?
He answers: so we can learn to pick ourselves back up.
I think I'm starting to hear God ask me a similar question: when you are weak, why should you pray for strength?
It is so you can learn to pray more fervently.
Satan demanded to sift us like wheat- but Jesus prayed for me.
His offer was better.
His offer wins.
His offer strengthens me.
I know this heart is problematic at times.
I know my heart gets lonely.
I know my heart gets pounded.
I know my heart is a mess.
But I know my heart reflects a lot of what Gods heart does.
If being pounded into the dust is part of being built up, then I think its worth it.
I just want to see His face.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Friday, July 2, 2010
50th post: Grace. Love. Friends. V Necks.
Earlier this week I was spending time with my friends.
(I think its important to note, before I ramble, that I love them dearly).
We talked about grace and what it meant to us.
We discussed songs about grace- how beautiful it is and how amazing it feels when it is extended to us.
We prayed and laughed and were captivated by the awe of it all.
We were all agreed, at the end of it all, that Grace is a free gift, we don't deserve it, but, its extended to us- there is nothing we can do to earn it.
When I was younger I used to think of grace as this big cover up.
Grace was white out.
Because of it, sin was no longer visible; therefore, it wasn't there anymore.
Grace was an everlasting game of "peek-a-boo".
I definitely know grace to be part of something larger now.
It doesn't just give the illusion of purity, it cleanses us, making us the embodiment of purity.
It is a bath.
It is a shower.
It is a pressure washer.
It is a hurricane.
Not only does grace wash our sin away, it empowers us to live lives holy and pleasing to the Lord.
It fills us with a strength.
Grace isn't weak.
It is power.
"My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness".
Grace.
Power.
Ravi Zacharias stated that purity isn't just the absence of something, it is the presence of another.
Purity isn't only the absence of sin, its the presence of the Lords grace in our lives.
"For by grace you have been saved, through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is a gift from God. Not a result of works so no one can boast".
My friends and I were discussing grace, we talked about how, at times, we find ourselves working ourselves to death to try to earn grace.
By no means was this a conscious effort on our parts- it was just something we observed in retrospect.
We justify working 70 work weeks, going to two bible studies, mentoring people, and getting little no sleep, all for the sake of not "feeling lazy".
We somehow think that by exhausting and overextending ourselves that we are bringing God glory.
We get this sick idea that neglecting our basic needs for adequate food and rest we are making God happy.
A parent doesn't delight in the suffering of their child, nor does a parent like it when a child feels they have to repay every act of kindness as if they are indebted to them.
It can turn into a giant, "who can give more" competition. All the parent wanted to do in the first place was to bless their child because they love them.
God loved us so much, that He sent His son to die for us so He could dwell in us and LOVE us.
When we work for grace, we're putting a price on Christs crucifixion, and cheapening the cross.
I found something equally disgusting in my own life.
I found that, at times, I feel entitled to Gods grace.
I justify not working hard at all.
I justify being lazy.
I justify failure by saying: "God will forgive me"; "God is good".
I wanted to vomit when I realized that my heart of hearts thinks this way.
How sick of me to think that I don't have to work out my salvation with "fear and trembling".
By not working, I cheapen the cross as well.
I take the cross for granted.
I don't value it as something to be treated with reverence.
I treat His grace as common.
I think I deserve His grace.
I deserve the grave.
But He still died for me.
He Loves me.
Both of these issues- entitlement, and enslavement, are sinful.
They are prideful.
One says: I can earn it.
One says: He owes it to me.
A lot of the Christian walk, I'm finding, is a balance between two extremes: foolishness, and cowardice.
Foolishness is taking the cross for granted because we think its owed to us.
Cowardice is avoiding it by thinking we don't deserve it.
I think Paul puts it beautifully.
"I die daily".
Christ says it as well.
"Deny yourself, pick up your cross, and follow me".
It is just that.
Die to yourself.
Live as Christ.
The yoke is not too much to bear.
It is not easy though.
It is shared.
It isn't about us anymore.
We failed.
The wages of sin is death.
But.
The gift of God is eternal life, through Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior.
Accept it.
Work out our salvation with fear and trembling while walking with the comfort of the Holy Ghost.
Please, don't forget though. He gave us grace because He loved us so.
I think of "Where the Wild Things Are".
In the movie, regardless of what you thought of it, one of the monsters hugs Max with Love and says "I'll eat you up I love you so".
I think that's beautiful.
I just feel the warmth of those words.
Its just me, I'm sure.
But,
God gave us grace because He loved us so.
"I'll forgive you of your sins because I love you".
"I died for you, I love you so".
That's just beautiful to me.
Don't think I have it figured out, please.
I just thought you should know whats on my heart.
I don't know an awful lot at all.
But I do write a lot.
I also wear tons of V necks.
But you probably already knew that.
"Philipians 3:12-14: 12 Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. 13 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, 14 I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus".
Hope you're encouraged.
I love you tons.
-Josh
(I think its important to note, before I ramble, that I love them dearly).
We talked about grace and what it meant to us.
We discussed songs about grace- how beautiful it is and how amazing it feels when it is extended to us.
We prayed and laughed and were captivated by the awe of it all.
We were all agreed, at the end of it all, that Grace is a free gift, we don't deserve it, but, its extended to us- there is nothing we can do to earn it.
When I was younger I used to think of grace as this big cover up.
Grace was white out.
Because of it, sin was no longer visible; therefore, it wasn't there anymore.
Grace was an everlasting game of "peek-a-boo".
I definitely know grace to be part of something larger now.
It doesn't just give the illusion of purity, it cleanses us, making us the embodiment of purity.
It is a bath.
It is a shower.
It is a pressure washer.
It is a hurricane.
Not only does grace wash our sin away, it empowers us to live lives holy and pleasing to the Lord.
It fills us with a strength.
Grace isn't weak.
It is power.
"My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness".
Grace.
Power.
Ravi Zacharias stated that purity isn't just the absence of something, it is the presence of another.
Purity isn't only the absence of sin, its the presence of the Lords grace in our lives.
"For by grace you have been saved, through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is a gift from God. Not a result of works so no one can boast".
My friends and I were discussing grace, we talked about how, at times, we find ourselves working ourselves to death to try to earn grace.
By no means was this a conscious effort on our parts- it was just something we observed in retrospect.
We justify working 70 work weeks, going to two bible studies, mentoring people, and getting little no sleep, all for the sake of not "feeling lazy".
We somehow think that by exhausting and overextending ourselves that we are bringing God glory.
We get this sick idea that neglecting our basic needs for adequate food and rest we are making God happy.
A parent doesn't delight in the suffering of their child, nor does a parent like it when a child feels they have to repay every act of kindness as if they are indebted to them.
It can turn into a giant, "who can give more" competition. All the parent wanted to do in the first place was to bless their child because they love them.
God loved us so much, that He sent His son to die for us so He could dwell in us and LOVE us.
When we work for grace, we're putting a price on Christs crucifixion, and cheapening the cross.
I found something equally disgusting in my own life.
I found that, at times, I feel entitled to Gods grace.
I justify not working hard at all.
I justify being lazy.
I justify failure by saying: "God will forgive me"; "God is good".
I wanted to vomit when I realized that my heart of hearts thinks this way.
How sick of me to think that I don't have to work out my salvation with "fear and trembling".
By not working, I cheapen the cross as well.
I take the cross for granted.
I don't value it as something to be treated with reverence.
I treat His grace as common.
I think I deserve His grace.
I deserve the grave.
But He still died for me.
He Loves me.
Both of these issues- entitlement, and enslavement, are sinful.
They are prideful.
One says: I can earn it.
One says: He owes it to me.
A lot of the Christian walk, I'm finding, is a balance between two extremes: foolishness, and cowardice.
Foolishness is taking the cross for granted because we think its owed to us.
Cowardice is avoiding it by thinking we don't deserve it.
I think Paul puts it beautifully.
"I die daily".
Christ says it as well.
"Deny yourself, pick up your cross, and follow me".
It is just that.
Die to yourself.
Live as Christ.
The yoke is not too much to bear.
It is not easy though.
It is shared.
It isn't about us anymore.
We failed.
The wages of sin is death.
But.
The gift of God is eternal life, through Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior.
Accept it.
Work out our salvation with fear and trembling while walking with the comfort of the Holy Ghost.
Please, don't forget though. He gave us grace because He loved us so.
I think of "Where the Wild Things Are".
In the movie, regardless of what you thought of it, one of the monsters hugs Max with Love and says "I'll eat you up I love you so".
I think that's beautiful.
I just feel the warmth of those words.
Its just me, I'm sure.
But,
God gave us grace because He loved us so.
"I'll forgive you of your sins because I love you".
"I died for you, I love you so".
That's just beautiful to me.
Don't think I have it figured out, please.
I just thought you should know whats on my heart.
I don't know an awful lot at all.
But I do write a lot.
I also wear tons of V necks.
But you probably already knew that.
"Philipians 3:12-14: 12 Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. 13 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, 14 I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus".
Hope you're encouraged.
I love you tons.
-Josh
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