Discipline and Dorian Gray

Somehow, I keep coming to Proverbs 12:1, Hebrews 12:11, and Matthew 5:6.

Proverbs 12:
1 Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge,
but he who hates reproof is stupid.

Hebrews 12:
11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Matthew 5:
6 Blessed are those who hunger an thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.

I hate discipline so much. Its annoying. Its frustrating. Its everything my flesh hates because it forces me to confront EVERYTHING I know I need to change about myself.

It is NOT peaceful at first; on the contrary, it is exhausting and confusing.

I feel like the character of Dorian Gray. I feel like I was painted by God, in His image: beautiful. He painted me enchantingly and when I look back on the things I've done and I do right now, its as if I look upon the painting God has made and those sins appear on the painting. I look at my marred, scarred, bruised, battered, and ugly face, and get frustrated and angry. I try to run from it. I try to make the painting go away. I hide it in my closet. I try to stab it with a knife but it only comes back to hurt me.

Then, God comes back. He looks at the painting and asks me what I've done. I tell Him. Then, instead of condemning me, He loves me. He takes His brush, dips it into the blood of His son, and repaints the picture.

After He's done, whats left is a picture of the person God intended me to be: perfect.

The scariest and most frustrating thing I think about the process of discipline is not that knowing that I need it; its the fact that I have to face my problems head on. Its a good thing to know, however, that I'm not going through it alone. I still have Christs' blood covering me and fixing me and empowering me.

Discipline is uncomfortable, yes, but I know that I'd rather be disciplined and grow in love for my God, than to flee from it and lead a debauched lifestyle full of idolatry.

Therefore, I will exalt God, even when I don't want to, because He is worthy of it. And, because my God loves me.

Thank You, God.